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ØØØ | Epithets

by Yardsss

/
1.
36 years in, 36 days in a half year bedridden with three tons of weighted immaterial creationist negative thought pressing this physical form into the mattress deep, holding, tied to the tracks, a damsel in distress, wishing for the ceiling to come crashing crushingly down, thrusting me back, into the void. Unavoidable anxiety riddled facial tics, visible, obvious, embarrassing. All failed attempts at suppression leading only to a greater impact. Floating singly through this conscious awareness in a near perpetual state of existential crisis, never truly believing this isn’t merely dreamscape, figment amalgams of one another’s programming, swimming in the open air all data and code, binding non-binary. This programming flawed, bowing, bending, praying under a giant ash, connected and rooted with the mother. She repeats, you may never be abandoned for you are always walking upon me, connected, I am the world. Father sun scolds with burning flesh as a reminder of his ever-present touch. But this brief and fleeting felt-sense of connectivity, a moment slipping from clutched crooked fingers, returning to the maze of human socialization, flash and awe; destitute, diminished, defeated, forever in search of the origin source of these ever-mingling tributaries carving crooked lines ever southbound in a mapless vision. Manic Depression Obsessive Compulsion Tourette’s Anxiety Bipolar Empathy
2.
If you Find Me Let Me Know Existential Pilot Vessel
3.
When I close my eyes I could be anywhere
4.
I write suicide notes to pass the time in multiples of three and burn them in effigy of the past selves I've lost. Setting intentions for the latest incarnations like the petals of pink carnations spread over a grandmother's grave as autumn leaves blanket her headstone and a cold rain mixes with the salted saline of tears.
5.
6.
There are things you should learn. Your past is a skeleton walking one step behind you, and your future is a skeleton walking one step in front of you. Maybe you don’t wear a watch, but your skeletons do, and they always know what time it is. Now, these skeletons are made of memories, dreams, and voices. And they can trap you in the in-between, between touching and becoming. But they’re not necessarily evil, unless you let them be. What you have to do is keep moving, keep walking, in step with your skeletons. They're never going to leave you, so you don’t have to worry about that. Your past isn’t going to fall behind, and your future won’t get too far ahead. Sometimes, though, your skeletons will talk to you, tell you to sit down and take a rest, breathe a little. Maybe they’ll make you promises, tell you all the things you want to hear. Sometimes your skeletons will dress up as beautiful women and ask you to slow dance. Sometimes your skeletons will dress up as your best friend and offer you a drink, one more for the road. Sometimes your skeletons will look exactly like your parents and offer you gifts. But, no matter what they do, keep walking, keep moving. And don’t wear a watch because your skeletons will always remind you about the time. It is always now. The past, the present, the future, all of it is wrapped up in the now. That’s how it is. We are trapped in the now.
7.
Sweet shade have you no reprieve Be this thine penance Illuminating Nothing
8.
Whisper me the sweetest lie Use these weaponized words Incarcerating hearts in waiting In longing for the next sentimental trap Beauty is beautiful when it’s real Crushingly defeatist when deceptive Whisper me the sweetest lie love Make it indistinguishable from truth Dismiss honesty for the sake of the moment Take broad strokes at grandiose visions Build me up, make me a believer Then gently lay me back down Tuck me tightly into this hospital gown And whisper me back into the void with the sweetest lie Echoing, disconnecting, disappeared Make me believe One last time One last deep breath Lie to me Eyes closing sealed Lie to myself Exhale slowly as I may Fading failing facade Pretending to believe In bliss
9.
Heart Breaks So Easily Now Now Now

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SG047 // www.selfgroup.org

100% of proceeds from this release benefit Outside In. Learn more at www.outsidein.org.

Epithets ØØØ was written and recorded as another of Krist Krueger's continuous song-a-week series' in quick fashion displaying the writer's unique and prolific ability to jump into the studio with a basic idea, if any, and produce fully executed arrangements, literary and poetic storylines and entire sonic landscapes.

This is the second full-length album from the solo version of the project (indicated by the symbol set ØØØ) following 2018's Quietus.

Post-Art, Musicology

ØØØ = Krist Krueger
∅∀‡ = full band

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credits

released April 10, 2020

All songs conceptualized, written, recorded and performed by Krist Krueger. Additional backing vocals and violin on Heart Breaks So Easily Now Now Now by Shanley Narens. Produced by Krist Krueger and Robert Bartleson. Engineered by Krist Krueger at Sonic Sandbox (Portland, OR) and by Robert Bartleson at Haywire Recording Studio (Portland, OR).

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Yardsss Portland, Oregon

Post-Art, Musicology

ØØØ = Krist Krueger
∅∀‡ = full band

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